Kratos Aurion (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
simulsimul) wrote2016-11-02 07:40 pm
simulsimul) wrote2016-11-02 07:40 pm
a thing; w/ ruinsprofessor & conductingresistance
canon
breached
confessed
dadly
future
grigori
mercenary
MEover
origin
reversal
titans
scenario list
canon: Kratos needs to stop running off
confessed: wing reflex
confessed: actual wingpull
confessed: turning Renegade
confessed: son meets father
dadliness: confrontation
dadliness: awakening
dadliness: illness
dadliness: a fundamental lack of understanding on the word 'abducted'
dadliness: updating parameters
dadliness: assassination assignation
mercenary: hiding in the library
mercenary: aftermath of librarian saviour
reversal: oracle destroyed
titans: storming the tower
titans: safety in the canyon
titans: night horrors
canon
- combo of Kratos and Zelos ending
- Zelos does the stupid thing, but not so far as his death, and is still the eighth member of the party to Derris-Kharlan.
scenarios
scenario one: Yuan tracks Kratos down at Dirk's.
breached
- canon right up until after Botta’s death
- no one uses Yuan’s name around Mithos so Mithos walks right into the Triet base with them
- cue an epic OH SHIT in which Yuan gets a lil bit beat up while covering the evacuation of the rest of the base
- until Kratos appears to intervene and have the Chosen group get Yuan out of there
- Mithos gets Kratos tho and he’s a bit mad cos, yanno, traitor and all
- time to be locked up and punished and need to be rescued
- kind of puts a crimp in the creation of the Eternal Ring plans
- mostly cos Mithos turns Kratos lifeless, with some armour to regulate his mana so he remains a seraph. can't have the seal becoming less powerful, yo
- it does mean he can only obey orders tho
- the first rescue fails miserably but at least no one dies and they know they need to reforge his key-crest
- the second rescue attempt (circumstances of canon-point under percolation) goes a little better, though Yuan almost gets killed by Kratos trying to attach the key-crest
- luckily that and the first telepathy in a while gets through and Kratos manages to break out a la Colette, and heal Yuan enough for Raine to get there
- after which, angreh father-son beatdown on Mithos.
scenarios
None yet.
confessed
- almost successful assassination lands Kratos as an injured stranger in Iselia (1-2 years pre-canon)
- recuperation leads to accidental-on-purpose 'holiday' in Iselia
- doubts result in a request for Dirk to make a key-crest like Kratos' own
- oracle room undergoes some stealth sabotage
- regeneration journey is slightly delayed, prompted by Genis and Lloyd being discovered at the ranch
- Triet is awkward. so very awkward. for the Renegades -- whose side is Kratos even on these days and why was he vanished for two years?
- initial overall journey similar to canon, save that Kratos is a bit less circumspect about advising Colette on how to cope with angel transformations
- there are more overt Dun Wanna Feelings
- then Luin, wherein things happen and the group is in town during the Desian attack. the others naturally want to fight but tis a mite difficult against an army and building-destroying magitech. luckily, angel on their side. unluckily, wingpulls in order to muster the power to cover the townspeoples' retreat
- questions and confessions ensue
- Colette rejects the key crest (for the moment) so there's still hopefully maybe ambiguity about Kratos's position re the last seal
- it wouldn't fit anyway, it's modelled for the hand like Kratos's is because he was a derp and did not specify otherwise, so Lloyd needs to make a thing to make it fit
- slow protective retreat toward Asgard.
scenarios
scenario one: Kratos confesses before Salvation; Raine wants to follow up.
scenario two: Raine's examination of an angel; and also Kratos realises how far he's put his foot in it.
scenario three: Kratos goes to taunt Yuan a little, and also ask for his help.
scenario four: in which Raine makes Kratos tell the children all the things, and Yuan takes too much amusement from it.
dadliness
- Kratos retires in Iselia under the name Irving to raise Lloyd after the death of his wife
- no exsphere. ageing occurs! so does a beard and a braid
- teaches Lloyd swordplay, but on the sly, to avoid the other villagers noticing. his daytime job is weaving
- Lloyd finds the box of their exspheres and wants details. after some prodding by Dirk, Kratos explains how exspheres are made and that one is Anna's life. Lloyd is too young yet, but when Lloyd comes of age (~15) Kratos lets him make his own decision re wearing it
- Lloyd chooses not to wear the exsphere
- Genis befriends Marble and Lloyd meets her, as in canon; this happens before the journey begins, with the fallout
- difference being that Colette is still in the village so they can't be too horrible, so they just demand Lloyd be turned over for a flogging
- Kratos stands in his stead because natch. luckily, they're only mooks and don't recognise the bearded weaver as anyone important
- gives Lloyd his guilt complex early tho
- the oracle happens much the same way except Botta doesn't quite recognise the weirdly familiar bearded swordsman
- he does when he's reporting to Yuan tho
'there was an exceptionally skilled human'
/brief physical description/
/did x other faintly recognizable thing/
and both he and Yuan are aware that Kratos has been awol for a while, so there's a moment of pure silence and dawning 'no, it couldn't be'
- but then obviously one of them has to go make sure
- cue an interruption just out of Triet.
scenarios
scenario one: Yuan feels the need to investigate; this results in Kratos injured and abducted.
scenario two: Yuan realises he can't kill Kratos with his own two hands; Kratos gets mothered.
scenario three: Kratos gets sick on the heels of his recovery. Yuan mothers him some more. Botta disapproves.
scenario four: Kratos recovers and makes an escape attempt. Sort-of.
scenario five: Kratos recovers more and talks to Botta, when not needling Yuan about his lack of preparedness.
scenario six: Sheena's contract takes a slight shift into undercover instead of assassination work.
future
- Aselia is Earth ~10,000 years in the past
- all is peachy-keen except the tree is now underground and the elvens/half-elves/some humans are in hiding in the centre of the planet, hidden thanks to the summon spirits
- Colette is working with humanitarian aid in various impoverished nations
- Zelos is a diplomat in West Asia / Middle East trying to keep the peace
- Yuan is a crotchety lecturer at Cambridge who's also HUGE into environmentalism
- Lloyd and Kratos are having family time in space
- occasionally the trio on Earth meet reincarnations of people they used to know
- but rarely at the same time and almost never in a position where they meet
- but then they start meeting them
- lots of them
- all in the same span of years
- they're starting to think something's hinky
- until the space-elves attack
- and then they know something is hinky.
scenarios
None yet.
grigori
- at some point significantly before canon, Kratos actually calls it quits
- the Church's institution calls him a fallen angel of vengeance
- really he's just going around trying to help people and avoiding being taken back to Cruxis
- assigns himself to the Chosen parties whenever he can, up to Colette
- ????? idk some kind of profit somewhere
scenarios
None yet.
mercenary
- when Yuan visits Kratos at the beach when Lloyd is 3 months old, he does not manage to escape before Anna and Lloyd return
- accidental attachment to this kidlet who likes pulling his hair
- three years later, Yuan can't stand to hold back while Kratos fights Kvar, so he throws caution to the wind to help
- Anna is still killed but they rescue Lloyd and Noishe and both are branded as traitors
- Lloyd is raised as a Renegade with Dad, Uncle Yuan and the extremely reticent Uncle Botta (how dare)
- meanwhile in Tethe'alla Yuan infiltrates the castle as the library archivist
- stays out of sight, mostly, but has a good ear around the politics thanks to recruiting Princess Hilda
- also happens to stumble on Zelos hiding in the library right after his mother's death
- look he's got a 'nephew' he can't just do nothing (even if all he meant was to recommend a book)
- unwittingly accidentally 'adopts' the Tethe'allan Chosen by virtue of being the only one who doesn't treat him like the Chosen
- sometimes Kratos brings Lloyd to visit and basically they're all separate pairs of exasperated bros
- by canon Lloyd and Kratos are wandering mercenaries, helping people on the sly while gathering intel to send back to the Renegades
- Yuan and Zelos are actively building resistance to the Church using inside knowledge
- the ninja are all Renegades
- Colette is escorted by Raine and by the priests
- yes the 'chain up the Chosen and drag her to every seal if necessary' priests
- she meets Lloyd randomly in Triet but Lloyd doesn't know her as the Chosen. they're a bit out of touch on the Journey of Regen timeline
- stuff happens and they keep missing each other up until Palmacosta, which is a warzone between the Desians (and Dorr as their figurehead) and the Renegades (with Neil as their leader)
- Colette wants to help; priests say no
- out come the chains
- Raine objects, but she has no exsphere so what can she do
- btw Genis got caught in the Iselian ranch and tossed in as a traitor to be made a host
- he gets sent to the Palmacosta ranch
- right after Neil manages to take the city, after Colette and Raine leave it, Botta takes the Palmacosta ranch and rescues Genis, among others
- Genis becomes his little shadow and is much preferable to Lloyd, in Botta's opinion
- Lloyd and Kratos are still trying to catch up to Colette to rescue her when they drop by
- Genis hears what they're trying to do and insists on coming along.
scenarios
scenario one: in which Yuan accidentally adopts a Chosen instead of a book from a library.
scenario two: in which Yuan is accidentally-deliberately adopted by the Meltokio Castle Knights.
MEover
- Mass Effect crossover someplace in the realm of 15,000 years after TOS canon
- except started before then, cos elves are really from Feros, planet of the cranky telepathic plant
- got decimated by the protheans trying to assimilate them into their empire
- elves objected, got killed a lot, fled Feros and got stuck in Aselia's orbit
- kinda forgot a few things but planted a seed from the Ferosian mother plant on Aselia
- Origin hasn't forgotten tho, kinda has a grudge against grumblegrumbleprotheansgrumble
- the entirety of TOS happened, and then some
- Kratos, Yuan, Lloyd, Colette and Zelos are the only ones left, but tis okay, they have each other
- somethingsomething natural space disaster, Aselia is destroyed but they manage to move Yggdrasill onto Derris-Kharlan and do a quarian by becoming a roaming ship
- mana is a variant of eezo lbr
- Derris-Kharlan's too big to use the mass relays, but c'mon it generates its own mass effect field so they develop tech to do hops on their own
- they're in no hurry tho, i mean lbr primarily angelic, elf and half-elf population
- so they're just bumming around their local clusters doing thorough investigations on all the things
- so much eezo on their ship
- so much
- suddenly the Normandy running from a reapers comes along to hide behind them
- reapers start shooting
- everyone on Derris-Kharlan objects
- JUDGEMENT IN SPACE
- so much profit and judging of reapers.
scenarios
None yet.
origin
- Kratos tells Lloyd the dad thing in Triet
- dad and son feelings ensue
- they culminate at the Tower of Salvation in Kratos stabbing Yggdrasill in the back
- unfortunately he does not quite die but impales Kratos against a wall and goes berserk on the Chosen party to the point of Yuan stepping in to help
- that is, by threatening to stab Kratos in the back while he's vulnerable (with Kratos's permission)
- Yggdrasill calls his bluff and fails, and Yuan does the thing
- while Yggdrasill is distracted the Chosen's group nail him but good and he retreats
- luckily while heart-stabbing happened, Kratos's cruxis crystal is still intact, and between Raine's healing and Yuan's mana transfusion he survives long enough to be taken to the Triet base and a refresher
- stuff happens in some fashion or other up until opening Origin's seal
- as it turns out, the mana tranfusion has fused the lock, so to speak, and Kratos can't unlock the seal even voluntarily
- only way to get Origin out at this point is to let him fuse with Kratos, so Kratos becomes Origin
- stipulation of this: Kratos refuses to let go of his humanity
- luckily Yuan already has a literal bond with him thanks to the mana transfusion, so with him as his summoner Kratos can keep his humanity, and only use Origin's powers when Yuan summons them
- commitment like woah for a literal eternity
- but hey, they messed up but good and it's the only way they can reunite the worlds.
scenarios
none yet.
reversal
~ 2000 years in, Kratos and Yuan conspire to kill Mithos and succeed, sorta
- he's stuck inside his exsphere, possessing people
- but he manages to survive and while Kratos and Yuan claim Derris-Kharlan for their base, he takes most of the angels as 'fallen', as well as the Eternal Sword
- most of his bases are hidden behind dimensional slips created by the sword - Iselia included
- Origin refuses to trust either Kratos or Yuan with the job, anyhow, and they don't have a summoner
- instead they're forced to fight Cruxis, embroiling the worlds in an angelic war between Cruxis and the new organisation of Chayim
- the Chosen bloodlines are more important to Cruxis than Chayim, but Mithos seals the seals so only the Chosen bloodline can flip the mana switch. Kratos and Yuan need someone to do that until they can reunite them, so the Journey remains an institution, just without compulsory death at the end
- there is angelification tho, if only so Chayim gets more soldiers and so the Chosen can defend themselves against Cruxis
- Kratos sends Anna and Lloyd to Iselia, because even though enemy territory, it's the safest place there is for them
- Anna get word to Kratos that the Desians are using Iselia as a long-term cruxis crystal cultivation location, and that the sword is held there
- her spy succeeds but is intercepted, and Mithos locks down the dimensional slip to prevent exit and access by angels for ~15 years
- Lloyd grows up in a town with a heavy half-elf population and believing he's training to help the good guys
- he has his own cruxis crystal as a host, but doesn't tell his mother due to the faith-based propaganda encouraging hosts not to bring it up or risk the powers not taking
- he wants to help though, so he steals a key-crest to ensure he can fight
- Yuan and Kratos plan to assault the town and shrine but Mithos uses the sword to interrupt travel between worlds, keeping Yuan in Tethe'alla and forcing Kratos to attack Iselia alone.
scenarios
scenario one: Iselia is attacked by Chayim to claim the sword, with the sword already gone
titans
- Yggdrasill captures Kratos before Kvar finds Anna and Lloyd, but after Kratos makes an Eternal Ring
- Yuan figures hell no and raises the Renegades to try and take Derris-Kharlan, rescue Kratos and solve the split-world problem
- the attack fails. a lot.
- Renegades are wiped out, Kratos is still in Cruxis's hands, but Yuan manages to escape with the Eternal Ring
- Cruxis follows him to Triet base, which gets destroyed and the few remaining Renegades scatter
- Botta is still around tho, helping out how he can
- mostly Yuan just goes searching for Lloyd and Anna
- doesn't manage to find them before Kvar does tho, and Kratos hears from Yggdrasill that they're dead
- this is slightly inaccurate, cos Lloyd still winds up rescued by Dirk in Iselia
- where Yuan eventually finds him, not knowing that he's 'supposed' to be dead
- so Yuan settles in Iselia for a bit to watch Lloyd and the Chosen
- cuts and dyes his hair, the whole shebang
- learns how to carpentry, invents a new use of magic
- winds up being Genis's role model just because scholar and magic-user and half-elf who can pass but also takes no shit from people
- is one of Colette's companions on the Journey when it starts
- he's been challenging their understanding of the Church's institution this whole time lbr
- Sheena is still a thing because the ninja have taken over the Tethe'allan base, which has survived, somewhat
- a grilling ensues
- sometime just after the Asgard Ranch Yuan does have to drop the bombshell
- about how the Journey is just a front, he and his bestie are angels, btw his bestie is Lloyd's dad
- how they're out to topple the institution of religion
- forget sacrificing Colette for the Regeneration, when they get to the seal they can do that without anyone dying
- and then move straight on to rescuing Kratos in Derris-Kharlan
- then they get to the Tower and realise Yggdrasill has Kratos under a Prometheusesque punishment a la 'impaled on the Eternal Sword to suffer the Seed's pain and watch the Chosen get murdered'
- luckily this does not happen, as they manage to rescue him and escape Yggdrasill instead, barely
- retreat to Botta's hiding-place in Asgard so Kratos can recover
- and also find out that Lloyd is actually alive
- the Chosen group goes around to make as many pacts as they can while in Sylvarant
- they get up to Aska when Yggdrasill sends his angels to attack Asgard
- cue Yuan and Kratos being unstoppable battle gods together
scenarios
scenario one: in which Yuan leads the Chosen's party to the Tower of Salvation to dismantle all the traditions ever, and find Kratos waiting for them in serious need of a rescue.
scenario two: in which being in safety reveals that Kratos is not precisely unscathed, but he's doing his best.
scenario three: in which Kratos is emphatically not okay, but with Yuan's help, could be.
TITANS; night horrors
[As night approaches, the subject of sleep arises, primarily as a medical concern in the fact that he doesn't remember how to turn it on. It's Botta who suggests the use of sleep-inducing teas to allow Kratos to track the flow of mana leading him toward sleep. Given that and a few days, the theory goes, he ought to remember how to shift his mana toward more human concerns.
[The first night, he doesn't sleep. Yuan takes him out of the house to sit under the stars and the great expanse of the heavens above them, and the black depth of the gorge below them, and fulfills that promise to tell him something about Lloyd's childhood. This is derailed somewhat; Kratos asks questions about Iselia, about the Sages, about Dirk, about Yuan's life on the run -- one or two questions about their journey.
[The second, third and fourth nights are similar. There are stories about Lloyd, but perhaps fewer than intended, accounting for Kratos's desire to learn the context of his son's life as much as the life itself. During the day, it's easier to avoid thinking too much, with lessons, and with the children ready to spring to distraction. He ventures toward Asgard, once or twice, only in the company of someone else. He never goes far enough to meet the other city residents.
[The fourth night he's yawning, but does not sleep. The fifth night, he actually feels his thoughts scattering, and his mana clicking into that sensation of requiring basic human needs. It's an alien feeling, like a muscle he hasn't used in far too long, but his ability to sleep is finally on and he knows how to turn it off, if necessary.
[That night, he trudges up to the room in which he'd first awoken. That night, he sleeps.
[That night, he dreams.
[It's as though the last few days are the dream, and he's back in the reality of fifteen years with that respite an already distant memory. He can feel the Seed's thud in his soul, the grinding agony of the two worlds in a never-ending attempt to tear each other to ruins. He can hear Mithos's voice.
["Mithos -- please -- help me --"
["Shut up, Kratos. Shut up -- traitor! Human. Now you know what it feels like for every half-elf, ground beneath the heels of two worlds!"
["Stop!"
[Those on the outskirts of Asgard waken with their hearts pounding and shivering with the pain of an unheard scream, and chalk it up to nightmares. But in Botta's house, the scream is that much closer, pain mingled with fear and a hopelessness deep enough to drown in.]
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[And he stays awake when Kratos starts drifting finally to sleep, too. Yuan isn't so optimistic as to think Kratos will escape with dreams unscathed, not by a long shot. He occupies himself meditating in the same room, focusing on mana and the mental link that points in Kratos's direction, listening for the inevitable and hoping he won't hear it.]
[Then there's Kratos, screaming in his mind, and Yuan flinches sharply for all that he was expecting it. He's on his feet in a moment, crossing the little distance between the windowsill and Kratos's bed.]
[Across the hall he can hear the Sages waking, Genis's panicked exclamation and Raine's cooler murmuring to him. Farther into the house, someone has fallen out of bed with a curse. It's probably Sheena, but there isn't time for examination; Yuan's attention is all on Kratos. He's getting fringes of the dream, Yggdrasill's voice seeping cruelly through the link, and it's making him... closer to panic than he's been in some time. That voice is never going to herald anything other than bad things again, if it ever meant good, and the thought of Kratos back there, trapped as he was at the Tower, is unconscionable.]
[Yuan really should be careful about waking Kratos, but his sword isn't to hand and Yuan can take anything Kratos hits him with. Instead of caution, Yuan shakes him briskly, urgently.]
Kratos. Kratos.
[He hopes Botta's awake. If the others crowd in here things won't go well. As a distracted afterthought Yuan points a thought on that topic in Botta's direction.]
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[Kratos. Kratos!
[Somewhere between voices, one in his memory and one in his mind, his dream self's need not to sleep slams hard into his current self's state of slumber. Kratos's eyes snap open but instead of reacting with violence, he freezes, trembling, the sheets fisted in his hands. He's awake now but his mind is still back in the Tower.
[Moving is bad. Moving is pain, is blood, is Mithos laughing at him again -- Mithos. Where's Mithos? Can't see him. On top of the dais? About to twist the Sword? Can't sense him. This is a roll of panic, not the least bit dulled, though the intent behind the terror may only be audible to another angel.
[Outside the door, Botta blocks Lloyd's path, and Lloyd crashes into his solid body and very nearly rebounds back against the rail looking over the hall below.]
Let me in!
[Botta shakes his head.]
No. Stay back -- all of you.
[This is directed to the others behind, in various nightclothes. Colette grips Lloyd's arm, tears running freely down her cheeks, and her voice is a raw whisper.]
Lloyd, please. I don't -- I don't think we can help yet.
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[Right now he's receiving Kratos's panic and, mercifully, enough of the words that Yuan can actually tell what the problem is. To some extent. He trusts Botta to handle things, ignores the people, and bends over Kratos. Abnormally still, for the aftermath of a nightmare. The Sword? Doesn't matter.]
Damn you, Kratos, look at me.
[It's-- almost an echo. Older times. Much, much older. Half on the bed, leaning over, Yuan cups Kratos's face, moves the angle of his sight by force. It's still possible he'll get his wrist broken for this, if Kratos comes enough out of it to respond without consciously processing. It's also possible Yuan doesn't actually care.]
[The long tail of his braid falls to drape over Kratos. It seems inconsequential.]
Asgard. Asgard, not the Tower. Can you sit up?
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[Kratos stares at Yuan and almost sees him; hears the words but doesn't register them. He flinches again as Yuan's braid falls across him, and he stares at that instead.
[Blue hair. Blue braid. Not right.
["It's you again. I thought you'd have learned better by now."
["What do you think you're doing? How is this-- how is any of this what she wanted?!"
[Yuan.
[Not in the tower. Asgard. Asgard, with the wind in the gorge and the rattle of the windows, and mana-signatures nearby. And Yuan. Yuan had come for him.
[Now Kratos sees him; his eyes register. But there's still panic in them, and in Kratos's head. No, he can't sit up. If he had been breathing he would have been hyperventilating; but he isn't, so instead he lays there trembling, unable to move, with the panic a hard knot inside of him keeping him paralysed.]
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[But this is Kratos and anything different than where he was, anything that has softness or kindness about it, can't do anything but help.]
If you're going to strangle me for this, do it later.
[It's a quiet rasp of a rib, some small effort to draw Kratos's attention out of where it rests now. Yuan lets Kratos have his wrist, ignores the discomfort of the grip, and bends, working his free arm under Kratos to lift him up.]
[Kratos is shaking. It's wrong. Yuan hides how shaken he is in turn under a flat face and pulls Kratos against him, palm flat between his shoulderblades. Lately Kratos has been seeking touch, it seems, and sitting up he won't be able to think he's back in the Tower. This will... probably help.]
[If you can't speak aloud, just reach back. You're safe, Kratos.]
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[The hand on his back lures it back, except the hand doesn't fall to the same place the Sword had impaled him; instead it sits on his wings, or where his wings would be -- should be. The feel of Yuan's mana so close to his is both raw and soothing, expectation mingling with a comfort conditioned into him far longer than those fifteen years.
[Yuan is someone he's never become wary to have behind him.
[It's that feeling, of having someone explicitly at his back instead of the cold unfeeling stone and the humming Sword, which breaks the panic. Kratos exhales a tiny gasp of air, and emotions crash inward. His next breath chokes with a sob, and so does the next; and all the rest that follow. He grips Yuan's shirt and clings, trembling -- mentally as well, reaching back just as Yuan ordered.
[I can't-- I can't-- What, exactly, he can't isn't at all clear; it's a roll of grief and pain and fear which carries with it hopelessness. He can't bear this, he can't; it hurts too much. Even knowing his son is alive, Kratos can't find the strength to bear it. Just end it, just end it, just end it, please ... It will need to be ended anyway, sooner or later. Just end it, please.
[Outside the door, the oppressive fear and confusion lifts from the minds of the others, now it's all focussed on Yuan. Lloyd exhales shakily and stops pacing before Botta.]
Now can I go in?
[Botta just shakes his head.]
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[But it does mean he has no presence of mind to devote to the others, save for knowing he owes Botta more than can really be repaid.]
[No is the first cogent thing Yuan manages to project back. Don't give up. I will wait here as long as it takes you, but I will not end it. It's a promise both of them should know he can and will keep, between stubbornness and lifespan.]
[And it's still wrong, so very wrong, for someone who was always so unshakeable to be trembling in his arms-- but then everything has been wrong for a very long time. Endurance has occasionally felt like all they have.]
[In the hallway, Raine is a low murmur before a brisk announcement.]
I'm going to make some tea.
[There's the sound of Genis's panic being very abruptly redirected, and the number of people in the hall lessens.]
[Yuan lets his breath out slowly, remembering breathing even though it would be very easy to ignore, and runs his hand down Kratos's back, a long gentle touch to draw his attention outward.]
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Damn it, Botta, let me in! Let me help him!
[Like a gift from a goddess which doesn't exist, Lloyd's angry voice rises sharp from through the barely-open door. Botta's objection is softer, his words meaningless. Lloyd's voice is the one which interrupts the internal whisper of guilt, rips through that well of hopeless gravity. Kratos manages to inhale shakily, and feel the solid weight of Yuan holding him, and the yawning despair feels a little more distant.
[His back tingles where Yuan's hand grazes over the scar where the Sword had been, but the touch is gentle, contrary to what Kratos has known of late. That touch unravels the last knot of tension in him; Kratos closes his eyes and buries his face in Yuan's shoulder, his breathing still hitched by tears.
[I don't -- I can't --
[He barely has the strength to survive this second by second, even in Yuan's embrace. He's never so intensely wished the seal didn't prevent him from taking action himself.
[Please help me.
[It's the same plea he'd made to Mithos, over and over. The plea of a man too broken to choose, too damaged to act. If Kratos had known how to put them back together, he would have done it centuries ago; what hope does he have to fix himself? But Yuan always knows what to do. Yuan always, always has plans.
[I need help. Please help me.]
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[At the very least, Kratos is letting go of something; it's evident enough in the way he's more willingly returning the embrace now. Yuan repeats the same gesture, very deliberate, himself easing a little in response. Holding Kratos is easy. He can manage that much, even if soothing words are not his strength.]
[I know.]
[If you couldn't get rid of me in four thousand years, what makes you think you can now? I'll help you if I have to drag you out of Niflheim to do it. Just hold on. Yuan does have plans-- he has a main one, and backups, and pieces which will flex depending on how the fights fall. He could use Kratos's discerning mind on them-- but that is a fair ways out yet, and Botta does reasonably well picking solidity out of Yuan's lightning-branch possibilities.]
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[There's very nearly a scattered laugh on Kratos's next breath. Out of Niflheim itself. What makes you think we're not already there?
[The varied and sundry reasons why they hadn't been able to destroy that fell place four thousand years ago all boiled down to one thing -- the fact that the three of them together, even as beings of light, had not been able to penetrate the darkness of that cursed dimension. By then, their beings had been too suffused with bitterness and despair for their light to reach the deepest paths of hell. The last time Kratos had been there ...
[He shivers and grips Yuan's shirt tighter, letting out a noise of objection. He doesn't want to think about that; about the imprints their beings might have left in dimensions under this one.
[Just hold on. He can do that, maybe. He's done it for fifteen years, for lack of any other path before him. It hurts; every moment still hurts. But Yuan's managed to draw him some ways out of the pit that is his mind. Turned outward, it's easier for Kratos to cling to the comforting sense of Yuan's mana, and listen to Lloyd's worried voice, note the presence of his life; just a note, like Kratos is afraid to go near in case the potential future shatters.
[What my son must think of me ... An unintentionally aired thought. What must Lloyd think, of a father so broken? A son isn't meant to have to care for his father. He would be better off with the dwarf.]
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[He doesn't know what to do with any of this. Four thousand years and it hasn't prepared him very much at all for this situation, except in how well he knows Kratos.]
[Arguments, even those with fond underpinnings, will only get him so far here.]
[And then that errant thought, and Yuan scowls gently into Kratos's shoulder, reaches up to tug his hair lightly. Just enough to get his attention. The less Kratos spirals within his own thoughts alone, the better. For pity's sake, if you were going to develop shame about being human, you had centuries to do it in. Don't start now. Everyone in this house understands that some things take time to heal. Or they had best, or Raine will sit them down and lecture about it, and has done in the past. She heals magically; she's aware of what can and cannot be fixed in a night.]
[Peace, Kratos. Peace. It's enough. Yuan's mental voice carries calm with it, a steadiness that is in some ways more solid than he's been before. Walk before you fly.]
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[Peace. When's the last time any of them had it? When's the last time Yuan had to remind Kratos of it? Kratos honestly can't think of any time, for the last. Yuan has always been the one who pushes; Kratos is the one who waits. That reassurance coming from Yuan of all people is both frightening and indescribably soothing. Frightening, for the idea that Yuan has changed enough to grasp it; that he's left Kratos behind to find it.
[That he's come back to bring it to Kratos. Out of Niflheim itself. What did he do, to deserve that?
[You already saved me from Niflheim. Not all of that place is bound within the pages of the book.
[It is enough. Kratos's grip doesn't loosen, but moment by moment, the tears wind down and the present agony in his mind scars over. Like as not it'll be torn afresh again, in the future, by something or other -- it's too deep a wound not to be made fresh. But Yuan's still here. And Lloyd is still outside the door, waiting.
[Being human. It's just about time for him to try, at that.]
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[Yuan turns the tug into an idle stroking of Kratos's hair, born out of half-remembered gestures of reassurance and the need to do something, anything at all, that could have a concrete effect. Take as long as you need. Botta will ensure we have the time.]
[He's sure Lloyd is anxious; but knowing that won't do much besides pressure Kratos right now, and Lloyd can stand to be a little patient. Yuan considers shifting to make the position more comfortable -- Kratos was lifted with urgency, not gentility in mind -- but in the end he decides against disturbing the careful equilibrium he's somehow managed to establish. If it becomes difficult he can shut out the discomfort.]
[The last is caught as only a bare whisper of thought, something about humanity. Yuan nudges a wordless query back at Kratos, curiosity and steady encouragement at once.]
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[Kratos focusses on the rhythm of Yuan's hand in a half-daze of weariness, though the idea of trying to sleep again makes Kratos's chest clench. This isn't the kind of weariness which can be fixed by sleep.
[But it's being fixed by Yuan, just being there; by Yuan's fierce promise, by the fact that he considers Kratos worth saving over and over. Once upon a time ... once upon a time this wouldn't have been a surprise.
[I'm not sure I remember how, is the vague sense of lostness which comes back in response to that unspoken question; but at least it isn't a despairing sort. After all that time being regarded as inferior, Kratos isn't even sure he's any more human than the other angels. A sense of amused irony follows, of the lines of how is it that you seem to know?]
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[Yuan falls silent mentally, but with the link 'open,' that quiet sense of presence conveyed in the lightest of ways. Letting Kratos rest, at least a little. At least until he reaches back again, at which point Yuan can't help but laugh, very softly.]
[It might be easier to learn from the outside. The thought is wry. He doesn't even remember parents to raise him in one race's heritage or the other; Yuan's never really considered himself elf or human at all. Only half-elf, something different altogether. Even mortality Yuan doesn't have the firmest grip on.]
[He isn't entirely sure why Kratos is regarding him this way; he doesn't feel he merits it. That may not matter to Kratos, though.]
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[Being secure in having someone there -- it's like a man parched from the desert allowed water for the first time.
[Kratos focusses on breathing, and on Yuan's presence nearby. The rawness in him continues to ease, until he feels as though he won't quite break apart if Yuan has to leave the room. He doesn't quite want to suggest it yet, however.
[Instead he absently reads the mana-signatures outside the door, the low voices talking, and Lloyd's mana-signature slowly descending as he leaves the upstairs hall. Kratos's heart flips for a moment until he's assured he can still sense his son downstairs; and he's focussed enough on that that the soft knock on the door makes him stir with an in-drawn breath.]
Lord Yuan, the children are settling down to sleep together in the living-room, and have promised not to come upstairs unless by your leave.
[Then Botta's mana-signature pulls away to descend also, but only to the bottom of the stairs. Kratos exhales slowly, his face turning further into Yuan's shoulder, murmuring:]
Forgive me.
[For everything that had gone wrong, which Yuan had tried to fix and Kratos hadn't. For needing to rely on Yuan to be everything Kratos could no longer be. For scaring him. For making him leave Kratos behind in Derris-Kharlan, fifteen years ago.]
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[Yuan's voice has more of a rasp to it than he expected, when he finally rouses himself to an explicit vocalization again. He leans his head against Kratos's.]
[He is not inclined to sleep, and that process is currently disabled, anyway, but his eyes half-close, and he lets the inputs of other senses take over. The familiar hum of Kratos's mana, and the more distant signatures of the others; the warmth of the body leaning against him; the sounds of the children below, settling.]
[In its own way, that's relaxing.]
[When Kratos speaks, it isn't a surprise, but for a moment Yuan doesn't know how to answer. He had thought he should be the one asking forgiveness: for leaving Kratos behind, for not coming sooner.]
[For watching his son grow up when Kratos could not.]
I already have.
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[He exhales, his eyes squeezing shut against tears born of entirely different emotions, and his grip around Yuan tightens a fraction.]
I won't know what to do with myself at night.
[They could probably spend the night like this, but Kratos is afraid that the wonder will wear off and his mind will start to fall into well-worn tracks. Yet sleep is impossible. It's going to be months before he tries that again. And tonight doesn't answer the problem of tomorrow.
[If there is an answer, it isn't coming to mind. The quiet, raw remark is as much a plea for direction as a resigned statement of fact.]
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[Control.]
[--Yuan hasn't seen Kratos's wings, since he was rescued.]
I'll keep you company.
[And there are mana control exercises I should take you through. Concern flavors Yuan's mental voice in a way it wouldn't have aloud. It's cheating, perhaps, communicating emotions this way; but it's easier than properly saying them, and Kratos has almost always understood.]
[Which Colette may benefit from as well. Blindly yet, but still: we're the only teachers she can have for this, and it will be easier with a partner.]
[Practical things to occupy the time; things which specifically need Kratos.]
If nothing else, there are stars to be counted.
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[As it turns out, the seal is smarter than that.
[We should see if I can do them, first. It wouldn't do to show the Chosen the wrong exercises, if Kratos can't do them properly.
[But at the last, Kratos huffs something very nearly a smile.]
There's always stars to be counted.
[Stars are one of the few things older than Kratos, and not nearly as delicate as most of the others.
[The smile fades before reaching critical mass. Yuan had his hand on Kratos's mana centre, before; is he bringing this up now because he'd felt something? A bit tentative, Kratos broadcasts this question, undertoned by worry, by adriftness. He's been an angel much longer than he's been human. If he can't even pull his wings ...]
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[Yuan settles a bit, still, in response to Kratos's next question-- mostly because he doesn't know, and can't be entirely sure. He thought he felt something, earlier, and he doesn't think there's a way for Kratos to have come through fifteen years completely unscathed, but he isn't sure. Yet.]
[He passes something like a request for patience back, and sets his hand lightly between Kratos's shoulder blades again, with a faint prickly warmth that says something of Yuan's own mana. In the end he can't quite pinpoint what's wrong; only that it doesn't move like he feels Kratos should. Not entirely.]
[The best Yuan can think is that it's like a scar in Kratos's essence. I don't know. That's why I think we should start with control.]
You aren't broken. Only wounded.
[And that, for a change, is aloud.]
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[And now that Kratos knows, the thought of leaving it alone is very nearly unconscionable. How many scars does he have in him? This, at least, might be one he can do something about. Wounded, not broken. Yuan may not be a healer, but he does know Kratos's mana. If he says it, Kratos is willing to believe it.
[He has to believe it.]
Is there any reason not to start tonight?
[Right now, Kratos trusts Yuan's judgement far more than his own.]
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That's up to you.
The children will want to verify you're all right for themselves, if you think you can manage that.
[Yuan doesn't know if they'll be able to sleep, actually, unless they're truly and thoroughly exhausted. They may keep themselves up with worry, unless Botta was able to allay their fears sufficiently, or if calming tea was brewed.]
I'd say to wait until you've calmed, but you're shaking less, and it's very like meditation. So-- no, there's no practical reason not to begin tonight.
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[Another deliberate inhale, and exhale, before Kratos speaks.]
I think -- yes. I don't wish to worry them unduly. I'd rather if we can avoid questions, however.
[He doesn't know how much they heard, but he doesn't think he can stand to explain, at this point, beyond showing them that he's if not okay then at least in one piece, for the moment. It's going to be a day-by-day process.
[Then he laughs quietly, scattered, into Yuan's shoulder.]
Was I shaking? I didn't notice.
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~finis